Category Archives: For Fun

“It is hard enough to deal with the everyday mental strains of life during a pandemic, without having to feel inadequate for not taking up a new hobby or religiously doing home workouts.” –Tanzina Vega, host of The Takeaway on WNYC and WGBH Public Radio

Thank you, Tanzina Vega, and the team at The Takeaway, for noticing the “one more thing” that some of us are struggling to cope with in addition to sheltering in place, homeschooling our kids, adjusting to working from home, or risking our safety and that of others by working outside of the home.

What if we were already struggling with feelings of inadequacy before COVID-19? Remember imposter syndrome? Stay-at-home parents who don’t get enough credit? Dedicated teachers who are not paid enough?

One, simple act that is guaranteed to defeat the i-word, help you feel better, and possibly change lives is to commit one act of kindness a day. It can be free, but it is always generous. It can be quick and still be meaningful.

“Even when we look in pretty diverse regions of the world, in fact in all seven major regions of the world we find this relationship whereby people who donate money to charity are happier than those who don’t.” –Dunn, Ankin, & Norton, “Prosocial spending and happiness: Using money to benefit others pays off.”

Charity is about more than donating funds. Development professionals refer to “time, talent, and treasure.” If you are short on treasure, there are many charities who will be grateful for your time and/or talent. You can start by recognizing that acts of kindness also count when they are for your family or done in the course of your job; you can look for opportunities to multiply those acts and inspire others to up their kindness game.

I have titled this piece, “365 Days of Kindness,” because, during my more than 15 years of marriage, my husband has completed several self-imposed 365-day challenges. May 5, 2020 marks the 365th day of his latest challenge, to read one graphic novel a day; he’s actually read nearly 600 and cataloged data points–for fun. I am genuinely proud of him.

He has suggested challenges for me–one album a day (“You like music…), one photograph a day (You love to take pictures…). I begin, but my days are filled with work, child, husband, pet, dishes, laundry, etc., etc. My great realization is that I am a kind person. I am motivated to do more good in the world, and I want to help others to do the same. I am also a writer and a marketer, and I can’t help but share this revelation.

It is so easy to do something kind for someone else. But, I get it–it’s also easy to overthink it. Don’t start by signing up to donate an organ–unless you’re the “go big or go home” sort. It is wise to start small. Since May 1, 2020, I have:

• sent a note of thanks to my daughter’s school principal on National School Principals Day,
• helped an elderly acquaintance with spring cleaning,
• made dinner for my family,
• helped connect another elderly friend with her local library so she could begin borrowing audiobooks, and
• celebrated my husband’s geeky achievement.

If you look around these days, there is no shortage of creative ideas for kindness. And, instead of allowing courageous nurses, enterprising entrepreneurs, and John Krasinski’s “Some Good News” to add stress instead of relieve it, take a deep breath, and notice moments when you can choose to give the greatest gift you have–yourself.

What type of Facebook user are you? 

A. strictly kids and animals, 

B. you like to get into it with other users over reality TV shows or politics, or, 

C. you’re a native social speaker who can easily pivot from best friend chatting to being a brand influencer.

If you answered C, you can stop reading now. But, I bet you answered A or B, or you’re somewhere else on the social media spectrum. Whatever type fits your comfort level, at some point in the future, you may be asked to mention your workplace on your personal Facebook page or another account. Maybe it happened already, and you politely, or awkwardly, declined.

Do you have to comply to this request? Of course not. However, thanks to Facebook’s latest newsfeed algorithm, the brand you work for needs your help to make authentic connections with new prospects. 

Here are a few ways to help you transition from anonymous individual to expert influencer among your circle of friends and family.

You have the power.

You are already an influencer. Have you panned a terrible movie or raved about your favorite new restaurant? Have you liked the pages of big brands?

Chances are very good that some of your friends skipped that movie, tried that restaurant, or shopped those brands because of your posts. That is valuable. It’s easy to take the next step and casually mention the company you work for and what makes that company a great place to work. If you like where you work and talk about it, your friends (and their friends) will take notice.

Use your power responsibly.

Take a look at your most popular posts. What made so many people love and share those posts? They engaged with you because you offered them something of value—a laugh, a cute picture, a helpful article—and they trust you.

Use the same strategy when posting about your workplace. What will interest your friends and family and their friends and their friends’ families?

Talk about yourself.

People love to talk about themselves. That is the reason social media exists, right? Your Facebook friends know what you do on the weekends, where you go on vacation, and what apps you use.

It’s only natural to talk about what you do, why you do it, and why you like where you work. It’s as simple as that. Mention the next big sale or event, the big role you play in the new campaign, or how rewarding it is to have an impact on the lives of other people.

Present an authentic personal brand.

Everyone has a story to tell. Yes, you do, even if you don’t think so. People who like what they do and tell that story effectively will have a positive impact on the places where they work.

You’ve heard it before—just be yourself. Your excitement over getting a promotion at your job, developing a new product, or connecting with someone you serve (with their permission!) can be worth far more than digital banners or full-page magazine ads.

Parting words…

Remember, you don’t have to go it alone. Make a search of your favorite brands and notice how real people talk about them.

Like trying a new exercise or sport, as you use your brand influencer muscle more often it will grow stronger. Be open, listen to feedback, learn, and change over time. Don’t overdo it, and take breaks when necessary.

It may feel impossible to not be okay in the work world. You are expected to be a “rock star,” a “ninja”, and/or a “guru”. You may consider yourself one or more of those things in your best moments. In reality, you are smart, capable, and have unique talents—and don’t let anyone make you feel that you are not, especially yourself.

It’s okay to be just “okay” sometimes. How often do you perform at the highest level? What is your optimum level? Optimum may be different depending on the day.

Your productivity and positivity levels are bound to go down if you see every person who passes your desk as someone whom you must impress in every moment.

“Often we feel frustrated about feeling frustrated, compounding the feeling! It’s normal to feel this way… Acknowledge how you feel, and let that be enough. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.” – Noom

Are you impressing your boss(es)? Are you two (or more) on the same page? Are you clear on your goals, and are you being communicative about achieving them? Those are the first steps—your true north.

If the answer to one or more of those questions is “No,” then ask yourself, “Whom can I turn to?” The key to caring for yourself, professionally or personally, is having a support network—even if that network is one other person.*

You must be yourself—even if you are a work in progress (hint: we all are!). And you must be honest. With the people in your network, you can honestly confess your fears, and you can be yourself, especially if that self is more black t-shirt and less tailored blazer (or a similar split).

You will not be perfect all the time. Give yourself the space to notice when you’re not feeling your best self, and then take action. Talk to someone. Assess the situation without judgment; be kind to yourself. Reassess the reality of your goals. If you’re a manager, it’s okay to delegate. If you don’t have direct reports, it’s (should be) okay to ask for help. You might be surprised.

If it is not okay to ask for help in your workplace, for your own best interest, you must think seriously about what to do next. Is a chat with your BFF or your therapist enough, or is it time to talk to a career counselor or a recruiter?

If you are not taking enough time to live for yourself, that dramatically decreases your capacity to make a living. Reach out to someone, or for some expert advice that will aid you in finding the best solution.** And take good care.

*Facebook Groups are still alive and thriving. Try finding one that seems welcoming. Or, try starting one yourself. One of my friends, who is an introvert and struggles with anxiety, started a group for positive space called “Ladies Lifting Ladies” which has grown to more than 400 members in less than a year.

**Here are some links to some materials I have found useful.

The Mighty, a digital health community created to empower and connect people facing health challenges and disabilities.

This Self-Career-Care Checklist Will Make Your Work Week Even More Fulfilling

Reach Out: The Simple Strategy You Need to Expand Your Network and Increase Your Influence, By Molly Beck, founder of all-in-one podcast platform Messy.fm.

My Life on the Road, by Gloria Steinem, journalist, and legendary feminist.

Think and Grow Rich: Revised and Updated for the 21st Century, by Napoleon Hill (Thank goodness this was revised. Readers of the original book must navigate some exceptionally out-of-date terms and language and imagine what it was like to find work in the post-Depression era.)

Do As Many Of These 30 Things As Possible To Make Your Life Better, AConsciousRethink.com

If you want to be more successful in life try being more proactive, by E.B. Johnson

We Need a “Rockstar,” by Liz Ryan (Hint: They don’t.)

–Written by Sandy Lashin-Curewitz

While B2B marketing teams are busy developing ways to optimize the customer experience for their B2C clients’ customers, it can be easy to forget about doing the same for the clients themselves. 

That is where an enterprising Customer Success Manager comes in. This lynchpin performer speaks C-suite as well as tech. If they don’t know the answer, they know how to get it. They are a strategic possibility thinker who can easily travel from the cubicle to the conference room to the negotiating table.

1. Requirements gathering

“Clients want a reliable contact who will get in the trenches with them and act as an extension of their business,” says lighting industry sales leader Mara Racicot. You can only do this by listening to understand the client’s needs. Get to know them—and your team’s value—so well that you can anticipate their needs.

2. Establish trust

Getting to know a prospective client also means getting to know their network. People like to do business with people they know. Do your research, and mine networks—your own and those of your team—for mutual connections. Who will speak well of your company’s talented experts and previous work?

3. Account management

The formula for successful account management includes empathy, integrity, and problem solving. Take your understanding of the client’s needs and pair that with the expertise and service you offer. Also, keep meticulous notes, be proactive, and follow through to create plans that are virtually problem-free.

4. Identify new business

Keep learning new things, with energy and enthusiasm. Someone who does this is highly visible—attending (or presenting) at conferences, serving on committees and boards. This builds reputation, expands networks, and increases opportunities to provide value. “Striving to be the Beyoncé of your industry–both talented at your craft and well known–” writes Molly Beck in her book, Reach Out, “will help make you top of mind enough for decision makers and fans alike that you can achieve your own version of headlining the Super Bowl.”

5. Promote the value of your internal talent

Clients will be much more comfortable signing off on a lengthy list of technical jargon if someone they know can put it into language they can understand. This can take some time and effort, but it is a worthwhile investment. It is an opportunity to educate clients, and your tech team will grow professionally and gain a better understanding of how their talents benefit clients.

Stand out by employing a standout

A company that has created the Customer Success Manager position is accessible and builds business by listening and delivering results. Such a company keeps an eye on the future, evolves, and stands apart by combining superior services with relationship building and collaborating. 

Written by Jeff Keilson and Sandy Lashin-Cuewitz
Published in The NADD Bulletin

In the 21st century, we are told that individuals
are more connected than ever. Is this true? We
certainly have more potential to be connected.
Friendships are the heart of living a better life
(Holt-Lunstad, Smith, & Layton, 2010) and yet,
studies show that having hundreds of friends or
followers on social media has given rise to feelings of isolation and loneliness and increased depression and anxiety (University of Pennsylvania, 2018). To be clear, this is not a rant against
social media, which also has many benefits.

My point is this: more than half of the people
in the United States feel lonely on a regular basis (Cigna, 2018). In Britain, the same percentage of individuals with disabilities feel there are barriers that make it difficult for them to make and keep friends, and one in four are likely to experience loneliness on a daily basis (Sense, 2015). One-third of adults 45 and older feel lonely, according to AARP’s study on loneliness and social isolation (AARP Research and GfK Custom Research, 2018).
And according to the Cigna U.S. Loneliness Index,
younger generations are outpacing older adults in
feeling lonely and isolated (Cigna, 2018).

In a 1992 Boston Globe article about the dire need for flexible support for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, as assistant
commissioner at the Department of Developmental Services in Massachusetts, I gave the following quote: “Clearly the needs are far greater
than we are succeeding in meeting. Our role is to
provide the support that each person needs, and
our support should change as a person’s needs
change.” While services have made important
strides, those words still ring true today—just as we have not made significant strides in impacting competitive employment for people with IDD, social isolation and a lack of meaningful friendships and intimate relationships significantly impacts the quality of life for too many people.

There is evidence that social networks shrink
when there is functional or cognitive decline
(Aartsen, Van Tilburg, Smits, & Knopscheer, 2004). The lack of closeness to others is shown to be damaging to our health. Just as social connections help a person recover when they are ill,
persistent loneliness causes cognitive decline and
increases the likelihood of mortality by 26 percent
(Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010). Studies show that
isolation is associated with increased risk of high
blood pressure, developing coronary heart disease
and stroke, and is as damaging as smoking 15 cigarettes a day (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010).

The first step in making change of any kind is
to recognize that there is a problem—and not just
within the realm of human services. Within every
community are people with disabilities who make
up a fading population, which is wholly preventable. While many people with I/DD and mental health conditions are living in communities, they
often do not participate fully in community life.

It is not enough for policies and funding to provide
basic needs. The British government has recognized
the epidemic of loneliness among its disabled citizens as well as evidence that “the loneliness they endure on a daily basis is a direct consequence of Government policy” (Shipley, 2018). In January 2018, a
minister of loneliness was appointed in the UK.
As a people, we must remember that freedom,
belonging, and love are among everyone’s basic
needs. Insurers and government budgets must
treat the creating of opportunities for friendship
and services that tackle loneliness as preventative measures for good health.

Such initiatives need not be dismissed as “feel
good” ideas. Set outcomes. Gather data. Measure
success: Do the care teams and informal networks
of people with disabilities expand? Do emergency
room and physician visits and 911 calls decrease?
Improving the quality of life for millions of people with IDD is very achievable. Tragically, there is little incentive to invest in policy and programs that will truly affect change on this issue because
that change is unlikely to be immediate.
Loneliness contributes to the annual costs of
major depressive disorder, suicide, and addiction ($960 billion), as calculated by the Centers for Disease Control and the National Institute of
Mental Health (The Cost of Loneliness, 2018).
As science shows the negative health effects of
loneliness, healthcare dollars must be allocated
to cover the costs of what is shown to ease loneliness. Assistive technology has been shown to be beneficial for 37 percent of non-elderly adults
with disabilities (Kaye, Yeager, & Reed, n.d.). To turn the growing tide of loneliness, healthcare providers and community-based human service organizations would do well to integrate the principles of the person-centered planning, circle of supports, and supported decision-making in the
creation of the person’s care plan. Who would an individual call if they had a problem in the middle of the night? Who would that person call to share good news? To ensure success, this approach should be
flexible, innovative, and grounded in community.

The challenge of social isolation is particularly acute for people with IDD and mental health conditions. As a society we should not remain
complacent when nearly 50% of people with disabilities say they are lonely on any given day (Campaign to End Loneliness, n.d.). We all need
support in order to make connections and live a
full life. With the dramatic growth of managed
care across the country and with more and more
research connecting loneliness and isolation to
increased physical health and behavioral health
costs, we must not miss the opportunity to take
aggressive action to combat isolation.

Using the person-centered planning process
as the framework, people should be supported to
have a goal(s), if they so choose, in their care plan
around enhancing friendships and more intimate
relationships. This should also include strategies, resources, and how outcomes, as identified by the person, will be monitored. Many commercial health plans offer robust wellness programs
as one strategy to improve members’ health and
reduce most costly health care expenditures. This
could serve as a model for the creation of initiatives to respond to and prevent social isolation.

We must simply decide that not taking aggressive action is unacceptable and that taking action is good use of public dollars, good for state developmental services agencies, good for Medicaid agencies, good for managed care entities, good for the community and, most importantly, good for people.

References

AARP Research and GfK Custom Research, Inc.
(2018). Loneliness and social connections:
A national survey of adults 45 and older.
Washington, DC: AARP Foundation. doi.
org/10.26419/res.00246.001

Aartsen M. J. Van Tilburg T. G. Smits C. H. M., &
Knipscheer K. C. P. M. (2004). A longitudinal
study of the impact of physical and cognitive
decline on the personal network in old age.
Journal of Social & Personal Relationships,
21, 249–266. doi:10.1177/0265407504041386

Campaign to End Loneliness. (n.d.). The facts on
loneliness. United Kingdom. Retrieved from
https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/
the-facts-on-loneliness/

When you are exhausted by endless days of caregiving, it can help to look for support from others who are also on a similar path. And today’s caregivers can look to those who trod that path before them. People like Cathe Carpenter.

A self-effacing soul, Cathe began to think of herself as a former caregiver. Her husband, Victor, a minister and published author, died in 2018 after a long battle with brain cancer and related complications. Her daughter, Gracia, diagnosed with encephalopathy and autism at 18 months, had multiple challenges before she died in July 2005 at age 42. Cathe’s daughter, Melissa, 54, contracted Rubella in utero during the 1964 global outbreak; she is Deaf with Rubella-related learning and emotional issues. Although Melissa is not now under her constant care, Cathe understands that does not mean she has stopped being a caregiver.

The Carpenters began their family in Boston in 1959, with the birth of their son, Tyler. Melissa and Gracia were born within 11 months of each other, in South Africa, where Victor had taken a position as a minister at a church for indigenous people. Cathe recalls, “When Victor asked, ‘Would you go?’ I said, ‘Why not, of course!’” As an infant, Gracia could not lift her head out of bath water on her own. “She did not look at me, she had sleep and feeding problems,” Cathe said. “Nothing made sense to her. Sight and sound were not in synch.” Melissa also was thought to have autism, until Cathe realized Melissa could not hear.

Cathe and Victor searched for other families with children with autism in South Africa and invited them to their home, along with their psychiatrist. This fledgling community started a support group and founded a school, which now flourishes. During this period, Victor was threatened with arrest and deportation for his anti-Apartheid work, and the family returned to the United States.

When her children were young, Cathe quickly learned that she had to advocate for the right education and services for her daughters. She encountered few physicians and educators who understood autism or knew how to care for children with Autism or Rubella Deafness. And in many cases, especially as a woman, Cathe’s inquiries and questions were not welcome.

“The prevailing professionals of the 1960s and early 1970s thought autism was ‘caused by mothers who were cold and did not want their children,’” said Cathe. “Others’ held a philosophy that disabled children had been horrible persons in a previous life, and disability was their punishment.” Cathe refused to accept these ideas.

She came to realize that education for learners with either Autism or Rubella Deafness was inadequate. While Rubella-linked learning disorder was ignored by professionals, Cathe saw Melissa’s ability and love of learning in Melissa’s eager interactions and constant visual attention. Overtime, however, professional dismissal of her opinions led Cathe to feel unsure of her parenting and herself.

Significant relief about her self-image came from a doctor at Children’s Hospital in Philadelphia. “This doctor saved my life,” Cathe said, “and he effectively saved Melissa’s psychological life.” He saw that Melissa depended on mutual closeness and commented to me: ‘Keep doing what you’re doing …There is no need to separate you from your daughter. She needs you for good reason.'”

Cathe knew instinctively that it was possible to learn what her daughters—or any child with disabilities—needed by watching them very closely, “trying to get into their persona.”

“All my children have taught me. They are my teachers. Just because they can’t talk to you doesn’t mean they are not in there, communicating, showing you their needs.”
To illustrate her point, Cathe described how a nonverbal woman with Lou Gherig’s Disease learned Morse code and beautifully described to Cathe the patient hours of visual concentration that rewarded her with seeing the intricate openings of cyclamen blossoms on her bedside-table.

As her children grew older, Cathe continued to challenge obstacles and injustices. She believes in raising children with positive behavioral reinforcement. One day, Cathe saw a drastic change in Gracia’s mood when it was time for Gracia to return to her residential school. Cathe knew there was something wrong. “It took a long time to realize what Gracia was telling us and what to do about it,” she says. Cathe and Victor discovered abuse at the residential school and worked to move Gracia to a community group home near them.

Through the most challenging times, Cathe and Victor knew they had to take care of themselves so that they could effectively care and advocate for their own children’s needs. “If we were going to survive this and marriage, we worked on caring for ourselves. That’s such important work!”

In 1982, Cathe earned a graduate teaching degree from Boston College. She was already an active parent, serving as vice chair of the Parent-Teacher Association and co-chair of the Racial Ethnic Parent Council at Melissa’s school. Cathe took her advocacy further by taking a job as a teacher’s aide to “see what was happening” at the school’s Unit for the Deaf.

Later, at a citywide public school meeting, someone encouraged Cathe to get up and tell her story. With the urging of someone she knew, Cathe took the microphone and told of incidences she had witnessed – of daily taunting and segregation of the school’s Deaf children. She spoke against their practice of putting Deaf graduating students in the back row of the graduation stage, never having them cited or given public awards, and requiring a teacher to crouch near them to sign to them. (Cathe was accused of “spreading lies,” but she had the support of other teachers when she returned to teach the next day.)

“Teaching is advocacy; if you’re teaching without being an advocate for the child and helping the family develop their advocacy for that child, you’re missing the point,” says Cathe.
Cathe went on to work at the Children’s Hospital Developmental Evaluation Clinic, and later to teach in early intervention at Perkins School for the Blind, where she also enjoyed training other professionals’ for working with Blind, Deafblind, multiply-involved preschoolers. For a few years she also had the joy of travelling back to South Africa to conduct school-staff trainings for Perkins International.

Today, Cathe is still advocating. “It’s not finished,” she says. She volunteers with the Arc of Massachusetts, contacts local and national legislators about needs of people with disabilities “and other local/national/global issues.” She has been on Department of Disability Services Citizen Advisory Boards (CABs) “for decades,” and was granted emeritus status at the end of her terms on the state’s Human Rights Advisory Council.

Cathe’s advice to family caregivers is to ask questions and to research opportunities and services that are available to them. “A lot of families—even with adult family members—do not know the many organizations that can help them, if they get involved.”

Originally published on https://advocates.org/.

Release Date: June 15, 2018
Contact:
Sandy Lashin-Curewitz, Director of Advancement
Email: sandy@noevilproject.com

WORCESTER, MA, June 15, 2018 – The No Evil Project is helping Massachusetts push back against Ageism. State and city officials will join the Worcester Senior Center on June 26, 2018, 11:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. at 128 Providence Street, Worcester, MA to open an installation of photography by the No Evil Project that celebrates the ingenuity, wisdom, and value of local seniors—and challenges negative stereotypes people may have about elders.

The installation, which depicts 120 seniors who use senior center services posing in the Three Wise Monkey poses—See, Hear, and Speak No Evil—is funded, in part, by a Council on Aging grant from the Massachusetts Executive Office of Elder Affairs. Each person chose three labels that represent them and have written a good deed they’ve done to show they’re “not evil”. The goal of the installation is to challenge ageism by showing the wealth of ways that seniors contribute to the community. In a project first, each person’s labels will be printed in their native language including Spanish, Arabic, Chinese, Vietnamese, Albanian, and French, as well as English.

Worcester City Manager Edward M. Augustus, Jr.; Chief of Staff & Chief Strategy Officer of the Massachusetts Executive Office of Elder Affairs Robin Lipson; Worcester’s Director of Human Rights & Disabilities, ADA Coordinator Jayna L. Turchek, Esq.; and City Councilors Sarai Rivera and George Russell have said they will be on for the event.

“The Worcester Senior Center strives to provide a welcoming environment which promotes acceptance, appreciation, and inclusion of people reflecting the City’s diverse population,” says Amy Vogel Waters, director of Worcester Senior Center/Elder Affairs. “The No Evil Project takes our efforts to another level, providing a visual display of our community to generate conversation and awareness of our differences in a positive way. This allows us to see that someone who might be stereotyped as ‘elderly’ or an ‘immigrant’ has many other personal qualities, and that everyone contributes goodness to the world.”

Since the founding of the No Evil Project in 2011, more than 7,000 people from around the world have been photographed to show they’re not defined by their labels.

Originally published on https://www.noevilproject.com/